🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|